Stupidity is what I am.

Ever liked someone you shouldn't have? You'll know exactly how I feel then....

It started a couple of weeks ago. I wish it hadn't. As you see the guy I'm talking about is a really good friend of mine. For some reason my brain decided to take that to the next level against my better judgement. I then decided to tell him....

Why? I hear you ask....

Because for some deluded reason I thought for maybe some split second that maybe, just maybe I might be wrong this time and this could actually go my way.

It didn't.

You see I seem to like the wrong - and the right - guys all the time. The right guys never want me and the wrong guys I shouldn't even bother with.

The guy I mortified is still my friend. Which I'm grateful for. He's THAT much of a nice guy.

I think that's why it hurts like it does.

Not that I don't want him as my friend, as he was my friend before I liked him. I don't want our friendship to go away no matter what and he's told me more or less the same. So for that I guess I'm grateful for too.

This hasn't helped with the depression I seem to be in at the moment.

I'm fed up of never getting someone I deserve, someone people tell me I deserve. I feel unattractive at the best of times. I'm trying to fix that. Yeah I get told it's not about looks, and they're right, it's not. But it helps and everyone knows it. I get told I have a great personality and blah blah blah. But I still end up with the freaks and the losers. I don't ask for much. Just a guy who'll like me for me, treat me like I'm needed and wanted and a guy who's my friend. I don't even get one of those things. Ever. Hence the depression.

All my friends have boyfriends/guys who want them, while I'm stuck on the sidelines watching. And it hurts. It's not my friends fault, and I don't want them to feel bad but it's just I feel like I'm always going to be left behind. I've been too stupid for too long and I'm sick of it.

Nobody should have to get used to loneliness but that's something I've had to do. I had to do it otherwise I would have gone stir crazy way quicker.

Again, this is NO ONE'S fault....it just sucks. Majorly.

When will it be my turn? To get that person I keep being told I deserve?